*click* and it's out delivered to its recipient within seconds. Yeah man, I tire of vetting the contents of my write-ups soemtimes. Whether they be mails to friends, business partners or articles for publication, I simply tire of checking for dotted Is and crossed Ts; checking that the tone's within balance to guard against misconceptions. The latter's been the bane of a handful of dramas amongst friends. But honestly, how well have the dramas changed me. Put it simply, how have these loose checks on my mails cautioned me. Very little has changed I must admit. If any, I found healing from acknowledging to me that this drama well defines my person. For all the "better me" I've craved all my life, these very flaw proves my mortality. If anyone's not seeing beyond it then there's very little I can offer in explanation. For I find that the beauty that is of this life itself hinges on throwing caution to the winds sometimes. It's in my opinion the essence of friendship where our individual flaws are noted nd overlooked especially given more of the beauties we share. I'll be the first to admit I'm a horsea** before my peops even say so. For it's no surprise cos they know. But am I trying to justify my flaw let alone make a case for its acceptance much to the irritation and pains to friends. No! Rather, I'm just saying it as it is. Even more, admitting the effects of its dramas on me in the times it's backfired. Yeah, it says a lot that I lose sleep over the harsh effects my texts have had on friends. But lying down beating down on me is what I've learnt not to engage in much as it's been a challenge as a naturally insecure dude. If any, strategies that have helped shape my thought process in recovering and getting on with my life borrow from Joel Osteen's "Become a better you" where in one section, he spells out the essence of having deposits in our relationship accounts. Deposits of goodies we've done such that in the days where we make withdrawals in form of slip ups, we can count on a good enough deposit to balance our relationship else it suffers. Therein is the pain when a friendship or relationship goes sour for me. The painful realization that I may have made more withdrawals than deposits even without knowing. Sad as it is, the onus still is on the other party to let go even though I have no responsibility over how they choose to respond. I'm like screw it sometimes, you gotta learn to live with me. Not a few of my blood treat me this way so much that I'm eternally grateful for my life wold be zip without them personally and professionally. Relationships other than love-related ones with the opposite sex have counted for much of my success in life. And as I sit back reflecting on the last epistle sent to HIM, I pray God bears him the strength to overlook its tone. Yeah bro, curse me under your breath but let's keep this friendship going. Love :-).
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