Emotional tinz: hit n runz

Sometimes, I'm amazed when Siju talks about her past experience in the hands of men. The victim of about a dozen hit and runs as at my last count (yeah I know, it's better imagined what thoughts the revelations conjure up in my head when I hear them and believe me, it's anything but funny). Well, Siju's no baby; young but older than I am but still not enough justification for a dozen relationships I must confess. There have been times I've questioned her confidence or what better word would suffice for a lady telling about her past. Whatever happened to the adage, 'don't kiss and tell'? Hmmm. Maybe she's drunk on affection and finds it safe to share with me. If I ever ended up ditching this relationship, believe me it'd be more to do with being unable to live with the scary thoughts of many waters that've passed under her bridge. So far, I've not shown any indication of winching so she probably believes I take it in good faith. It's no wonder then when she heaps praises on my maturity asking sometime if I simply am not too old for my age. Hmmm, anyone who didn't know me would think I was a baby with feeder in mouth. Anyways, guys are not lost to my consciousness in the relationship drama too. I mean, how could one be so deceitful just for the sake of getting a lady's back on ground? In a game that's to me synonymous to trying to get a cat's back to touch the ground, in this case, a mattress best fits. Okay, I'm not tryna play the Holier than thou guy. If any, I already set the records straight with Jazee with an apology 2 years after thus ending the thoughts of someday getting bathed in acid while asleep :-). Plus, she's married (happily I hope) now like the others :-). I'm just surprised the length we (you) go as guys to taste nirvana the lustful way with little consideration for the emotional effect on ladies. True, there are ladies whose asking are for such but they are not the focus here. I'm talking ladies like Siju (the victimised one she paints) who guyz have hit left, right and center using all sorts of disguise some amazingly crafty, you wondered why nothing of a fraudulent term's been coined to describe their wit. Yet, these are not the works of ghosts o. It's guyz like you o. Even in my cycle, I know a few and till date, marvel at how crafty they are at this game. I heard once how lies sell in this game of relationships. How true given my experience in the hands of a few birds. It's seemed in many a case that the truth hardly gets you a heart. I mean, if you're a lady and reading this, how sexy or romantic is a guy whose routine involves pushing pixels, coding, watching true crime docus, no cinemas, no movies, no jack : just straight up solitary confinement at the most and to probably worsen it, enjoys it all :-)? Weeeeird! When matched with a life of outtings, movies, dinners then you get a better picture. Just to cap up the following, I've been told my life belongs to the 19th century :-). Well. what matters now is that Siju doesn't send. Maybe cos she's grown tired of finding prince charming which is by far a stark contrast from her current fiancee with 3 month old hair and beards, jeans and tee shirt fashion style if it qualifies. She's mentioned how weird I am but in a sexy manner. Back to the hit and run theme, my blood 'Jamba' once mentioned an episode in which he was chatting up this girl he'd just met. They'd gone deep into the conversation when they decided to exchange contacts. When he mentioned his name, she stood dead in her track, he had to double-check if he hadn't mistakenly mentioned he was 'lucifer' by name. Rather, he wasn't crazy and had rightly introduced himself as Jamba, his birthname after a saint in the Holy Books. She said she was sorry but the name held bad memories for her given her experience in the hands of a certain dude by same name. Hmmm. Now, here's where the story gets twisted as you wondered whether it appeared any guy with the name was the same dude who'd forever inflicted this deep scar. In my view, she'd probably seen the movie 'faceoff' right after or before the sour event. Moving on, life's surely what it is and we may never be able to tell what'll become of our relationships. For some like Siju, her heartbreak got to a point where she didn't even know if there was any piece left to break until I came along. Yeah that fateful day with my signature backpack holding a Macbook behind my back, tee shirt bearing Ozzy Osborne's face and a sneaker that now sits atop my wardrobe as a souvenoir with which I traversed the FCT tryna to sell my i-yearbooks. How time flies. Her focus now is on settling down the family way with a ring and babies. The way I'd rather it be though is a baby first then the rest but she says her faith disallows it. I wonder, does her faith not disallow of the adventures I'll stop short of speaking of? Or is this faith lost in the wonders of our exploits? We may never know! In a rather twisted irony, I sometimes dream of Bayo jnr more than the moment where we're dressed in white and suits before guests. Yeah, it's crazy I know. Time to grab a drink *wink*

After AM prayers

*yawn* glory to God for a new day. Whoever's been following the news lately surely knows it takes a miracle to be alive in Naija. I've been tryna gather my thoughts for an article on the BokoHaram crisis up North but that itself is stacked with a handful of other articles in the works. For an amateur writer as myself, it takes a good amount of time to structure even one piece especially if it's being prepared for public consumption. The fact that my flagship piece to Risenetworks didn't (hasn't) get published says a lot of the standards expected of one's write-ups. So, it really is a lot different from the raw stuvs I serve up on my blog. It even reminds me of the hard yet useful lesson I got from the "New African Writing" event back in February where my work was publicly critiqued. I left off knowing there surely was (is) more to writing than just merely combining words. In fact, I'd marvelled at the brilliance of other aspiring writers at the event wondering if I even stood a chance for the ebook anthalogy we were being shortlisted for (still awaiting its outcome). True, I'd made the first 15 from about 5 dozen entries but I still had to contend with 29 others in total. Anyways, still awaiting the outcome. I've since moved on going as far as entering for the creative writing workshop due sometine in August. I expect to meet with Chimamanda Adichie in person and possibly show her asa. Till then sha. Right now on my bed (standalone mattress *wink*), I'm tryna think up my plan for the day. As much as I still have on my hands, I need to clearly state what it is exactly I want to get done today. There's tons like I mentioned from pushing pixels to coding. Also, there are likley visitations to NICO to present updates and seek new resources as has been on my mind lately. A call to my contacts in NICO may well erase the need for trip to MAUlag. *sighs* running on a shoestring budget also means I have to meticulously plan my day. No planned meeting at KFC or any eatery today which is great news considering the cost of keeping the mouth busy in exchange for time to see out the meetings. *sighs* it's crazy man. I wish I could sit here and write all day but the reality's it won't put food on my table. Well, not until I define a commercial angle to it which could be in form of a product (book) or taking up a writing job on the side. Content development in the areas of 2D anime, mobile apps still serve the likely cash flows for now. Even then, work dey as it's not like the foregoing automatically translate to cash. I gotta work my contacts, sell myself and all. Anyways, gotta bounce. It's 8am.

Iro okan

A good friend and fellow by professional affiliation shared with me a while ago how he was close to being kicked out of the house. According to him, his dad had said he had until his 31st birthday to get a job and by extension his own apartment. The twist to the story is ny hommie was only a few weeks shy of his 31st birthday when he shared it. Ironically, he was nowhere close to finding let alone securing a 9-5. Rather, hommie shares the same game as yours truly here. While it can indeed be comforting to be part of a community of like minded players as I do courtesy of the IVD and the CChub, it nevertheless takes nothing away from the truth. That reality that has you queuing for BRTs in the mornings and jumping molues (the bigger ones that now run Oshodi to Mile2 can best be termed 'trailers' with 100 seating, 200 standing and at least dozens by the doors). That it takes a miracle to arrive safely at home everyday is surely not lost on my consciousness hence a public gratitude to God here before I move on. Arriving home to darkness, street food or junks before hitting the sheets only to wake up midway into the morning occasionally in cold showers of sweat that serve reality checks; or regularly with outstanding tasks appearing in form of dreams. Anyways, gratitude follows in short prayers. The next you already guessed. Cycle continues. Well, I was thinking lately if by chance my parents have been mulling any idea similar to the one handed to my hommie. Hmm, for all of dad's niceties, I'm not getting carried away. Siju's may well be sealed with a foetus *big grin*. Mum's already indicated this is the last year of support as she's helping to offset my debts. I recently sought her opinion on a poultry idea I woke up to in what I now describe as an epiphany gone wrong. Her instant response almost led to the typical mother and son fight. What I took home from the episode was a reminder that this house belongs to her (and dad): reality check 101. And so, just as I'd just begun to add the status of a farmer to my experience, it was cut short. Now that I'm mulling the idea of enrolling in a school of journalism (after reading Yemisi Ogbe's article, "Nigerians don't crash, we bounce") in the hope I can further make something of my writing in say investigative reporting as a freelance thus allowing me ample time for pixel pushing and coding, I risk being termed crazy. Not a bad label in my world if you consider the harsher "unserious" tag. *sighs* time to hit the road back to the metropolis aka chaosprolis. I have the original illustrations for asa's flagship but I'm due at the MAUlag tomorrow or Friday with an appointment with those folks I used to marvel at while within the four-walled security that the alma mater provided. Yep, the theatre arts is where I'm due to visit for some required resources. Hey, kudos to you Lai of the CCHub for the insight. Man, it is well. I reckon it'd be good to point Siju to this blog for updates but I gotta be careful for all the revelations herein. My honest confession is how hard it is for me to lie to my journals. This monster seeks nothing short of the truth in expression hence I'm obliged to serve it as is: fresh! So, I see the blessing in how the monster ties with asa even for adults given recent expressions of interest in my contents but I've either got to change its target user from kids or come up with something crafty for the agbas. Not yet for the latter as asa's yet to start with original contents though I have some fairly good ideas, trust me. The adult market is a good one too given I can serve uncensored contents without batting an eyelid :-). Nothing out of context in case the mind's wandering. But then, now that I touched on it, isn't it a wonder how the adult market (in the entertainment sense of it as you've rightly thinking *wink*) is left hardly untapped? I mean, anyone heard of the Australian pornopreneur whose niche market was for the physically challenged. Going further, I wonder who takes care of their needs here as I suspect our ladies-of-easy-virtues (it'd help their image if we referred to them with sweet sounding phrases) aren't as creative as the Australian. I'd seen the docu on cable sometime ago and marvelled at her brilliance (business wise). Well, 'what can I serve' is the question so I'm letting the thought off the hook as I'm not one for venturing into anything for the sake of financial gratification alone. Besides, no parent would allow their kids near my product if they knew my brand also catered for the adult market which daddy himself may be tempted to explore in secrecy. I mean, who wants to share same platform of indulgence with their kids? Crazy thinking but well within the boundaries of a qualified adult.

Midweek runningz

sh*t, 2 weeks without press ups and sit ups. Abnormal in my scheme of things but even more will the effect be felt when I eventually resume from the laziness that's had me give up on these daily exercise since I suffered my last burn out. *sighs* I'm en route B town to pick up some illustrations for Iyke's digital repaint. He'd mentioned the need for it while at the hub yesterday. "Arrgh" was my initial mental response knowing I'd have been saved this commute at the expense of some other pressing runnings had he mentioned it over the weekend while I was on a brief retreat (the term for any state that gurantees me of a good diet, cable tv and good rest). Anyways, gotta do what I gotta do; no complaints. Mom's already used it as an opportunity to sneak in an errand so I'm making a stop at grandpa's crib *hello Alhaji, how's heaven?*. Hmm, no response. Gues he's in the middle of his prayer. Anyways, should be a breeze except uncle M's in and we have to run a small check-in on the hustle cos we'r sorta playing in similar spaces if you know what I mean. Only difference I must mention is hommie has two kids and a hubby overshadowing the extent his returns in the game can cover. At the risk of sounding selfish, he's living his choice man. I recall what is today his burden (used postively) was yesterdays's love affair at its peak. Sorry Siju but maybe this forms part of who I am: unblind to love where the game's concerned :-). It's for our greater good, I must add :-).
What more, today feels like I'm not gonna get much done in terms of work. But hey, on the brighter side, I already did some stuvs this morning pushing pixels and keyframes for yet another module of the NICO project plus paper works and a mail to HIM. May well spend some time with ZEA or the Bully on my way back God willing. Maybe even swig some beers. Been ages I had the occasional indulgence. It's midweek I know but interestingly, my life knows little or no difference between weekdays or weekends. Little wonder, I don't buy into the TGIF cliche. I'm living and loving life as it is everyday, no difference. Here's hoping mom doesn't raise eyebrows over my hair. Hey, before you raise those eybrows too, I don't have a hawk style on. That's like wearing a tattoo: not even in my next life. Wait a minute, did I mention Siju talked of getting one!!! More on the issue later as I hope to specially dedicate a whole epistle to that. Back to the former. What I rather have on is a 3 months old haircut that's gone unattended to by a clipper. Call it an afro but my mum says otherwise. Dad's not said jack like he did when I had one back in High school (high kini? :-)). Okay, I'm aiite though. Just thought to wear a different look. I'll be making some significant appearances in less than a year from now and I've been mulling the idea of a Prof Soyinka kinda look. Against my aversion for glasses too, I hope to don a Pa Awolowo or ZIK styled spec to complete the academic look. Funny as it is same way it was when the idea first crossed my mind but here I am living it like every other one that started out from the abstract. *sighs* should I keep typing on this third screen or simply lay back moping in this crowded bus where I'm sardined between my compatriots? I'll settle for the heaven that I know in doing this :-). I think I may finally have a piece for naijastories in form of a peom thus finally ending my 6 months drought on the platform. I owe the platform man. Besides Asabe my early fan whose comments have spurred me onto this, naijastories itself represents a significant factor in what's become of this monster :-). Wow, I'm so loving doing this right now oblivious to the chaos around me. Feels like heaven man. Mom says she has a pot of beans waiting for me when I do get home Isha Allah. You don't want to know what the alternative woulda been had I stayed put at home in Festac. Oh, what price I have to pay for kitchen laziness. And to think I took home economics as a subject in primary school...hmmm. Anyways, there's a reason for all of this. Siju woulda been no fit were it not for her kitchen whiz. Okay, the reason it's not evident in my body weight's cos it's my stature plus me and her rarely see. Yeah, she's working duh! And just in case, you read somewhere in this same blog of a Siju in Jos with fam in Kd bla bla bla, I hope you get the whole picture by now. Forget the mystery for now. If yearning for a game, check with Maliyo or Gidi games :-). Yeah, I know the dudes behind the foregoing. Great inspiration to asa. Like Pledge 51, like Ithena...major motivation for moi. In God I trust so only a matter of time before I join the list of celebrated ones serving inspirations for those behind. Yeah man, Nigeria's home. Some of us were made for here. No complaints. Just straight making sense of what God's handed to us. Lemme switch to the likely piece for naijastories. This one's good to go.

The 'Monster' explained

*click* and it's out delivered to its recipient within seconds. Yeah man, I tire of vetting the contents of my write-ups soemtimes. Whether they be mails to friends, business partners or articles for publication, I simply tire of checking for dotted Is and crossed Ts; checking that the tone's within balance to guard against misconceptions. The latter's been the bane of a handful of dramas amongst friends. But honestly, how well have the dramas changed me. Put it simply, how have these loose checks on my mails cautioned me. Very little has changed I must admit. If any, I found healing from acknowledging to me that this drama well defines my person. For all the "better me" I've craved all my life, these very flaw proves my mortality. If anyone's not seeing beyond it then there's very little I can offer in explanation. For I find that the beauty that is of this life itself hinges on throwing caution to the winds sometimes. It's in my opinion the essence of friendship where our individual flaws are noted nd overlooked especially given more of the beauties we share. I'll be the first to admit I'm a horsea** before my peops even say so. For it's no surprise cos they know. But am I trying to justify my flaw let alone make a case for its acceptance much to the irritation and pains to friends. No! Rather, I'm just saying it as it is. Even more, admitting the effects of its dramas on me in the times it's backfired. Yeah, it says a lot that I lose sleep over the harsh effects my texts have had on friends. But lying down beating down on me is what I've learnt not to engage in much as it's been a challenge as a naturally insecure dude. If any, strategies that have helped shape my thought process in recovering and getting on with my life borrow from Joel Osteen's "Become a better you" where in one section, he spells out the essence of having deposits in our relationship accounts. Deposits of goodies we've done such that in the days where we make withdrawals in form of slip ups, we can count on a good enough deposit to balance our relationship else it suffers. Therein is the pain when a friendship or relationship goes sour for me. The painful realization that I may have made more withdrawals than deposits even without knowing. Sad as it is, the onus still is on the other party to let go even though I have no responsibility over how they choose to respond. I'm like screw it sometimes, you gotta learn to live with me. Not a few of my blood treat me this way so much that I'm eternally grateful for my life wold be zip without them personally and professionally. Relationships other than love-related ones with the opposite sex have counted for much of my success in life. And as I sit back reflecting on the last epistle sent to HIM, I pray God bears him the strength to overlook its tone. Yeah bro, curse me under your breath but let's keep this friendship going. Love :-).

When silence speaks

Arms folded across her chest, gaze fixed on nowhere, she sits watching me do whatever it is I do. As often as I can muster the will, I do my bit to share updates but her response remains static: blank stare then a long sigh afterwards. *sighs* I'm not psychic yet it doesn't take one to read her mind at these times. I see fears, concerns and maybe tiredness. Even more, I cook up a joke to wipe that look off her face but her wry smile marks the ultimate verdict to my attempts. Like her peers, she yearns for a ring and afterwards a real baby; not the one I claim to be working on all day and in the wee hours. Ironically, for all her worries, this is as much a baby as what she seeks. It's crazy I know and I've long accepted the label. Beneath those gazing eyes lie questions about tomorrow as her body clock sums up today's pressures. Questions that hint at whether this is how we'll continue living our lives. For how long and where's the line to be drawn, she ponders. But I have to play the man. Never mind that she's older than I am. I gotta hold firm never losing sight of my confidence as I assure her (and me within) that this is all for the greater good. In her eyes, it may seem an obsession or at the extreme, share idolatory! *silence* as I stop to double check that I truly haven't lost it...lol. Yeah, I manage a laugh behind those walls making her wonder if I'm anything but sensitive. She's tired of being strong and wonders whether I have any emotions left since I never betray mine even with the harsh realities of the game. I made my choice and I'm living it. Never complaining, never whining. Least and most I do is express gratitude to God. She's questioned my very faith on the basis of the manner I practice it. She wonders why I'm agnostic to what lies after here and why my daily routine's incomplete without a trip to tinybuddha.com wondering what it is an acclaimed Christian by affiliation (or believer by her narrowed definition) finds in a site that bears the title...lol. If only she could for once allow her ignorance a break. Yet, it never bothers me; not even our different faith IDs. Her depth of spirituality in Islam itself makes for my affection. I wrote once about the heaven I seek after here. That where each religion as we know here on earth represent communities. And so, I would as often as I can shuttle between the two major monotheistic religious districts spending time with mama, baba and Alhaji savouring the moments as I had once before their transition *smiles*. For now, heaven even here on God's green earth I try to live. Not solely as a matter of religious principle but rather, matters of the heart. Purpose is what dictates my choice. In this piece as with tons of others stashed away in loose sheets, electronic journals, diaries, notebooks, that which speaks of my heart's calling, I make bold to pursue. Chasing my true calling at the expense of that which Siju yearns for is itself my own heaven. Selfish as it sounds, she's a major component of this heaven of mine as I know today and if the forces of nature will, she'll remain so going forward. She's asked if it's about the money that I keep her waiting adding that she'll cover as much as she can for the home. I say no, it's not. She sees the typical male pride rooted in arrogance and denial. "Then what? What Bayo?" she asks in anger. "Is there another one?", she adds. "Another one ke", I mutter under my breath. While my insecurity may be responsible for much of my staying in line, I do also know from little experience how expensive living outside the line is. If only in material expense, it'd be bearable. But to add that the lifestyle also weighs heavy on my conscience, focus and time makes it one I steer clear of. Anyways, I keep mum and continue my mock up for the next asa story. That which Siju jnr and Bayo jnr will read. Before then, that which they'll be read hence, its vetting today by parents. If only she could just open her eyes wide, very wide. She retires to the same pose; hands folded across her chest, gaze fixed on me yet thoughts filled with questions about this mystery that is the man she's in love with.

June 19 Musings

It's 9:52am and I'm in a somewhat discrete angle of the hub where I get to enjoy a bit of privacy :-). Helps to keep me from distractions plus helps shape ideas for blogs or tasks in front of me. First point of call this morning was the 'white house'. Yeah, same 'White house' in Sabo famous for its brand of amala. Amazingly, 5 years after leaving the MauLag (lmao), I still run into one or two mates coming in for the real deal. Can't take anything away from whoever's behind that spot man. And so, I walked into the place and lo and behold, the amala queue was empty. As in, there wasn't any customer for it. Rather, everyone was asking for rice bla bla bla. Okay, it had to be that I was abnormal to be queuing for Amala and ewedu at 9am in the morning ;-). Like I was bothered...lol. Feels good to be different sometimes, you know. There just is something abnormally or crazily normal or exciting about it....whatever that means. Yesterday was a good day. One moment I was in bed just before 7am savouring the morning's freshness in sleepy B town where I'd retreated for the weekend. Was in the middle of my blog and tryna mock up a mew piece when HIS mail came saying he was en route Yaba for our proposed meeting. Bingo! I was outta bed and in the shower. Next, I have my backpack behind my back and bidding good ol' mom bye bye till the weekend God willing. Long and short of the journey is I stumbled across a great article. Intriguing to say the least so much that I shared the link (http://www.vanguardngr.com/2012/06/nigerians-dont-crash-we-bounce-1/) via BBM, twitter and facebook, the same medium it'd been generating a buzz on. The meeting was great for a start with common grounds established. We ended on a positive note and should meet up again this week. Personally, seeing the commitment in time is one huge factor that appeals to me man. Was home soon after and had to take a bit of nap to relieve me of a headache. Next, I'm on the system working on an article for Risenetworks. Yeah, my previous article tagged "The Gospel of Entrepreneurship" didn't make it (or optimistically hasn't made it so far) going by the 3 weeks period indicated in the email I got after submission. Well, I have a new one in the pipeline entitled "Social media and individual responsibility". It was borne out of the madness that greeted the Dana aircrash on social media with unconfirmed reports being bandied around....

Musings from the countryside

Another week and before we know it, June's over and with it the first half of the year. *sigh* it's amazing how time seems to be moving at sonic speed. Week in week out, time's gaining fast on my goals, projections and deadlines assuming the three words don't all imply the same things :-). Seriously though, I shut my laptop lid after finally working my way round a technical challenge with the NICO project, stared at the calendar and it jus sorta evoked a concern. Yesterday, I got around to implement a few of the feedback I received from asa's initial test. There's more to implement and then, even more technical development to go for at least the BB platform which also has a learning curve to it. On top of that, I have to devise a way to keep atop of the analytics/stats/feedback from the distributed version(s). You know, just last 2 weeks during my retreat here in B-town, I reached out to Ebra to come onboard to lend a helping hand and like the kinda partner my heart seeks, his response was bingo. Nothing beats the excitement of having someone else who believes and owns an idea with you especially at this crucial stage. The last week saw us meet first and then together with Zoe, draw up a structure with which to go forward. It's still unraveling for now but at least, I finally am not alone inthe real sense of it in getting stuffs done. Bit of intro, Zoe Lu's the intern from Georgetown university who's been specifically assigned to me courtesy of the CChub in partnership with the TEF. She'll be directly working with me on business development till August. Okay, maybe biz development's not the appropriate phrase as the goal's to help me deliver on what my PIP states in a manner that's geared towards having a presentation deck with which to measure growth, traction and attract more investment. It's amazing the insight she's already brought on given how she's sorta tranasformed my deck which I handed to her. Keeping faith with the process as best as I can though I must admit to my chaotic handling of a number of tasks on me hand. I try to stick to a timeline and even more one thing before the other but challenge so far has been how lengthy that one thing can be too. If what I'd set out with a few months ago are anything to go by, shoulda delivered on a number of stuvs by now and moved on to others. But then, I know that flexibility's the order of this game too. Can't beat the forgoing sometimes. Life's just what it is. The all too known reason I get a bit concerned is itself owing to 'impatience' with the process. I have to admit the truth to myself. A part of me yearns to be done with this phase and on to the next one. But hey, I've learnt to keep the faith as I mentioned earlier. Knowing who I am, no competition can put a stop to my putting my products which by extension is putting myself out there so it's really not an issue of first mover advantage whatever that means. Then what's the issue Bayo? It's more structure now I guess. I've been playing some cards over the course of the year and even now, works in progress are cards I wanna toss. I know now that I need a platform on which to play those cards. That platfrom is in form of a team. Not just any team for the sake of it as recent experience has demonstratedbut rather, one with the same drive and focus as I have. Put it simply, I need someone to breathe, eat, sleep what this whole GETTO's about. I think I've found it in HIM (that's as far as I can reveal). Anyways, moving on, I finally decided to own what's mine in the past week after some consultations. Besides, been mulling the idea for sometime. The truth that was said to me when I met Aminat was that I couldn't force anyone to own anything I believed in myself. Rather, I was made to understand the need to see partnerships or team formation as an unraveling development. And so, I was relieved afterwards especially given the clarifications of my obligations towards the organization. Well, I'm taking flight with a fellow believer in whom I hope to add a proper structure to these major thing. It's kinda like the case of a single parent seeking a partner to help raise his baby. Yeah, that's what it is. For long, I've tried to do so much and yeah, I did while holding out for a true partner who's ready to own this thing especially at this crucial yet uncertain stage of its development. From one meeting to the other as I see in the coming days or weeks, I hope to finally lay it to rest as we both seek a synchronisation of our not so different goals. I'm pretty optimistic for the reason that prick my interest in any partnership: focus on the vision over immediate gratification. While it's easy to point out the delay in finally leaving the lab and getting returns in exchange for what I see become value, I find it self-encouraging to point out some major gains as follows: working on the minimum viable product though still a work in progress has helped me in mocking up a team of designers whose competence in different areas I now know thus enabling me know who, when and where to settle for; time duration to complete a project of this magnitude or nature; budgetary allocation for this sorta project. The following woulda never been practically posssible if I hadn't gotten right and dirty with the MVP. You gotta be constantly reminded how all of these adds up, you know. For, if I can place all of my present engagements such that there's an obvious connection to the BIG PICTURE then it's safe to say I'm on the right track. Financial gratification just isn't a measure at this point. True, I could do with more in cash to handle a good number of personal stuvs too. But then, to recap a piece I'd written and sent out to the IVD recently, it's a process that goes from creating value, building customers, credibility, systems and then lastly raking in money. You just can't wish one over the other nor can you simply jump over the intermediates to the last which understandably is society's stereotypic measure of success. I know different man! I gotta know else I go off to buying and selling which is the longheld notion of a business in this part of the world. Not everyone will understand even for all the explanations in the world. In my case, even if I were to share this epistle with some, it'd do little. Interestingly, the ones who matter, I'm glad I have their support. My fam's who I'm talking 'bout here. Just last week, I pitched my progress report together with the BIG PICTURE to ol' boy who in the end further encouraged me. If any, I have an obligations to him for the lifelines without which my seed funds woulda been history by now:-). Anyways, these epistles by way of my blog come in to serve my happiness given how much joy I gain from writing and even reading my own works. It's not really for anyone other than me or at best, anyone who can relate to me in any sense. Hence, I don't read about how to make money with blogs, bla bla bla. Rather, I find that keeping a blog online helps me have unlimited access to it anytime than I would the one on my laptop. Even more, this here serves the same purpose as all the beautiful and uplifting write-ups on tinybuddha.com. Nuff said already I guess. Time to take a break.

Testing blog from me bb :-)

Testing blog from me bb :-)

Flirting thinz

That awkward moment when a lady refuses to give her name after you both spend time chatting. What I learnt growing up, there’s a good reason why a lady won’t give you her name after spending close an hour seated together and having a fairly descent conversation. Note the emphasis for the sake of clarity. So, a number of options that come to mind are: 

• either your (yes you!) breath stinks, 
• you’re (yes you ooooooo :-)) so damn boring or 
• she has a ring on her finger. 

Pardon me for the limited options but there’s every chance all the answers hold for you. First, she was truly attractive enough for me to break from my routine third-screen fiddling. If any, I was staring at a blank screen the moment she sat beside me. I gave in afterwards trying a move using the same third-screen device; shared a funny re-tweet from Jesse with her but I could have sworn she didn't smile until I asked if she got the joke after which she then gave a wry smile. Bad start!!! Yet, I didn't stop. I got her started on social media before delving into tinybuddha.com, encouraging her to check up the site bla bla bla...rest is history.
Back to dissecting why this damsel refused to give her name. First, option one is out of the question even though I don’t use tic-tacs. Rather, my daily dental exercise is a mix of good ol’ kpako (chewing stick) and new school tooth paste. Now, if a double combo can’t ensure freshness of breath then it’s a clear case of halitosis. Even then, there were moments where she bent her head (ear) close to my mouth (face) to pick out my words :-). Anyways, moving forward. For the second option, I can best say it’s relative. If any, she looked and eventually confided in me that there was something weighing hard on her mind. Something to do with some task she had to do before the start of the day’s work. I asked if it meant a threat to her job to which she said, ‘no’. Hmmm…who knows, there might have been more to the issue. Siju just lost hers not cos of any task she refused to do on her part. Rather, the classic case of many a Nigerian company in the last couple of years: closure. She’s back in Kd praying for our breakthrough while I’m here doing…well, we’re allowed to keep friends of the opposite sex. Anyways, nothing do us.

And so, we alighted at the TBS and went our separate ways. Yet, it doesn’t look like the end in sight as we both board the BRT from Festac town. In order words, she resides in the hood and two, uses the same mode of transportation. And since I’m still either working off 14^th floor, Nitel Building Marina or 6^th floor, Debonair building, Sabo (former ends in a few days *smh*), I’ll still ride the BRT along same route. To add to that, if we’re destined to be like Chelsea were destined for the UCL title then I could be riding the BRT for the next couple of years [...and still have a garagefull of private cars, jet, bikes, amin] like Matt Damon’s character did in the movie “Adjustment Bureau”. Anyways, we’ll see in good time is all I'm tryna say.

Me, I got work to do up here this morning. Bit of update. I’m tryna see out the delay in getting this graphic assets in from Ikenna with some lessons on BB app development. Yeah, there’s a good chance I can sneak the same àsà flagship onto the BB platform. Tell you what, if I can achieve the latter, it’ll be nirvana, believe me in terms of our multi-platform goals even if for an MVP. Anyways, pored through some 90 pages of text this morning and I’m pretty much catching on. I mean, it’s java so it’s made it all the more easier and not greek if you know what I mean. Plus, since I already have the logic of what I want on Android, I’m just going straight for the classes required. Seems I’m a bit late on for the Samsung opening going by the launch of the Samsung pocket phone that’s been all over the blogosphere lately. Anyways, if it so be then it’s back to the original plan. But then, the folks from GTUGs and the CCHub may know something I don’t know in terms of platform support for distribution so I’m keeping my fingers crosses. [sigh]…it’s all for the Greater good, God willing. It’s Friday! Yeah, many say so but Friday’s really no different from even Sunday for me. Yeah, same noni. All I know is I give Glory to God week in week out for the baby steps towards the BIG PICTURE.

Road trip musings

It's 8:05am and I'm already on the Lagos/Abeokuta road out to Lasgidi. It's been a beautiful two nights of escape in a land of sanity, calm and relaxation. What more with a beautiful family as my bro, sis-in-law and of course my dear niece. Great to see the almost 2 month miracle (every birth remains one in my opinion) in a different state of her growth process; all smiles and less cries. She'd been the inspiration for the piece 'Dear Niece' I turned in for the creative writing workshop due in August with a dream meeting with the damsel herself, Chimamanda. Anyways, that's all done and dusted from my end at least for now. Here's where faith and believe take over and rest assured, my affirmations will count. Oh, just struck me that I need to update the String array that holds my affirmations. In order words, update my mobile Affirmations app. Yep, as with everything, these handy words that seek to motivate me have come a long way since its paper days. I'd gone from having my affirmations written out in journals I carry around everywhere to storing them as texts on my mobile phone and now, sits as a mobile app on my Android. As a great man once said, we can connect the dots looking back. God willing, I should be in Lag early and safely, spend some time with Yemi before a likely laundry then drop in on Ikenna evening. Yep, have some unfinished duties to keep track of in respect of the looming deadline. Quietly and in baby steps, things are looking good for us to meet the May deadline even for one platform. Me and bro had some progressive talks about the distribution model I have worked out in my head and it seems Abk represents some likely openings too. Me and Bimbo chatted briefly about the voicing in case Solape's not able to make the session. Hafis is already penned down given how much interest he's shown towards the project generally. That's key for me man. And as I've been thinking lately, there's not going to be any end in sight for asa once I get this flagship out. Not for anything even external investment do I hope to kill this idea. It's just so exciting beyond words here can say. And to add that it's about a subject that has my heart tying my interests and skills further motivates me. I have a grand idea as to its BIG PICTURE but best I can do is take the whole in bits. In a rather funny manner, I've had scenes of the studio session playing out in my head: the fun, joy, poking fun, mistakes and having the director in me or whoever calling for a retry...all those kinda stuffs. And oh, Mrs Lizzie's kept my ref submission on hold till she sees what we have so she can put in some good words about it. So, I have an appointment with her Tuesday where I'll present asa as it is. There'll be plenty of talk on my part given the broader connection to what we started out with at the IVD lab. Good thing is I'm clear about it so no qualms. I'm looking forward to it anyways as I often get some clarity when I share with interested parties. In then end, I expect some great feedback that'll help with where we are going, God willing. With all said and done, the most important component is for me to savour this journey. It's an exciting enough feeling as ever to be creating something of an abstraction. Even more when one considers the confidence boost that comes with living up to one's own words. It's what makes one half a winner; that attitude to attempt something. I draw so much inspiration from my brothers at 'Pledge 51' and 'Ithena'. More from the former cos I've been privileged to see their evolution watching them evolve from the lab to where they are presently. In my mind's eye, there could be some great partnerships for us given their value proposition as a company is one that seeks to serve asa's needs in a sense. Till then, the asa MVP borrows from Zubbie's 'Nigerian Constitution app' and Puddy's 'Danfo app' as a first step in defining some bottom lines. Life's beautiful for me man. Materially, I could always do with more if you know what I mean. But then, I'm pretty confident in the process. One of the biggest realizations that hit me lately is that I don't have to have all the answers to the many questions that surround me today. Nah! If I did then of what essence are faith and belief? Then, there's the 'excitement' factor that comes with living life in its adventurous nature; acting in faith, belief sometimes blindly, lotsa gut feelings or intuition, falling, standing, miracles or shear luck then bingo, arrivedeci! For me I just don't want to miss the moments as they unravel in this journey. Lori's piece on "savouring the moments" (http://tinybuddha.com/quotes/tiny-wisdom-this-moment-is-worth-savoring/) comes to mind.

...and it's touch down gidi right about now 8:49am, thank God. No doubt, I yearn for an escape again when all's kinda settled with what I have going. I miss the Capital city that gave me a good start in this game. Regardless of the bombings and as I hear, strict security measures across the city I once knew for freedom, I still yearn to return. A lot's happened since my last visit which was a few weeks before the UN building was bombed. I miss Joe who's now in Kano? Not sure if Ife misses me as much as I do him :-) but I'd love to see him. Ba Bida, Sadiya, Kusun, Baba Tee, TEAP RCCG, Blakes, Ebiza...I miss them all. Fond memories mehn. And lately, I've yearned to see my Siju (*) from Kd. Last we spoke, says she's back in Kd from Jos after her company closed down. *smh* at the same ol' story of this Nation. Back in Kd with her parents and wading through the waters of seeking yet another opening. Wish there was more I could do beyond empathizing with her. Really wish given my affection but we both know my story too. She'd even gotten bored by it enough for us to go our separate ways some years back. Wish I could just have her down in Lagos but for one who's never been here, where am I gonna keep her? Anyways, I'm anything but daft so the latter's not an option. We plan to meet up in the Capital before the year runs out God willing. There's a slight chance before then if I go to Kd for Sub Lt. Ibrahim's wedding but it's what it is, a slight chance. The security situation up North's not helped matters too.
....oops, time to alight

Àsà: The truth and nothing but the truth

Morning all. It's 9:31AM here on the Island (Marina). Great day God willing. Day's started the routine manner it's been whenever I'm on the Island with an initial check-in at the "Western House" for breakfast. It shouldn't surprise anyone that one literally has to break the banks just to get a good meal on the Island. The obvious reason being it's at best a corporate area with lotsa banks etc. Anyways, I'm in here now, 14th floor all alone until my peops check in few hours from now. Have to hit the ground running with installations on my Dell which is the main reason I'm working off here today. Before then though, this 'monster' has to have its way hence, my doing this :-).

[sigh]...I was thinking through Àsà on my way here. So, it's no longer news that I sleep, dream and wake up to it lately. In fact, as far back as I can remember in recent times, I haven't gone a day without doing something in its respect. Just last night, I worked into the wee hours of today implementing an idea that'd crossed my mind in respect of its "cast" module. Yet, at some point as I had this morning on my way here, "this is all to prove a concept and nothing more"! Believe it or not, "nothing is clear in terms of what it'll readily become". True, I have all these great thoughts, ideas as to multiple possibilities that can come out of it hence, my doing this; in the end, the ultimate truth is there's simply 'no guarantee'. It's that simple. The tweaks and resources spent on the whole will only amount to a Minimum Viable Product (MVP) which in itself may lead to more iterations of the process that may see me back here in my solitude fine-tuning or even working on a different product entirely. Adding to that, it may involve looking to another platform which translates to learning new stuffs or getting more hands. Or even more, settling for a different subject...I could go on and on but I guess the picture becomes clearer as to the reality beyond all my excitement about the present phase. As excited as I've been, my reality check's not been in doubt. It's no wonder that I'm quick to want to leave this phase and move on to the next. Yet, is the next phase itself going to be any easier? There's still a long way to go in relative terms to transforming Àsà into a different form of MVP (Most Valuable Product). Let's put things in proper context here taking the mobile version that's almost cooked as case study. First thing that comes to mind when I'm done with it in about 2 weeks is that I have to promote it. You may wonder why I have to do this for an MVP more so for one that's going to be free. [laughs]...take a look at the mobile app markets peops. You'll find beautiful free apps that only serve to make up the numbers for the platform owners. I can't count how many brilliant apps I've seen that haven't hit the hundred mark in download figures. In order words, these brilliant products are yet to appeal to the users for 'free' let alone appeal to advertisers who represent the least form of sustainability. Get it! While promotion will remain an ongoing process for as long as I can't even tell, another phase to the project is presenting it to likely partners by way of content owners who may be keen on partnering with the brand to deliver on some projects that may bring returns. So, let's in keeping with a positive mindset believe that by the end of the day, Àsà gains traction, is that the end? I wish! See, next stop would likely be acting on the feedback received over the flagship as best as possible cos some may be technically demanding beyond the skill-sets available (enter collaborators *wink*). Then there's the need to sustain the tempo with regular releases in contents else the users find their way to some other competitor(s) who's probably sleeping in God-knows-where (China, Yaba, Yankee, Accra...) as I speak and just waiting for the next big idea to copy and replicate. On and on, it becomes a sorta rat race where even then, you're grappling with how to make money and sustain the cash-flow especially if there's the investor factor to deal with. In the end, it's a cycle that just may never know any end but this here is where it all begins. For me, it's an exciting journey given my passion. But there's just not discounting the reality even as I enjoy the thrill. Even now, there's enormous amount of work still to be done given my multi-platform goals. There's the folks from NICO whom I still have to deliver on my promise in respect of their contents. While I hope I don't spend the rest of the year building from platform to platform and promoting the same thing, I can't but go with what the whole dictates. It's the reason I told "Sholly Pee" that she'd have to be patient for this baby to grow to the point where it can take care of its parents :-). On second thought, Àsà in its present phase seems more to me like a foetus (God, I hope I got this right; been ages I did Biology) that only becomes a baby when it's been certified acceptable by the users. As it is, we're not sure if we have a business yet. That's the simple truth and I can't fool myself into believing otherwise. I'd talked about the bottom-line for this phase as being to determine if the concept is acceptable. If so, by whom (who exactly is the target market). And then, can a business be made out of it? So many questions but then they'll all be put to rest in due time: soon.

To cap this up, I have some excerpts I got off the Twitter page of Entrepreneurial Evangelist (watch out for that soon) Bosun Tijani some days ago. I think it captures this foregoing epistle so here we go.

By the way folks...Start-Ups are businesses seeking a repeatable and scalable business model - IMPLICATION: you need an MVP to qualify
Focus on building a working prototype and a minimum viable product (MVP). Let's not get carried away by the hype around d term "Start-Ups"
Ingredients required to 'Prove a Concept' differs from that to make a successful Start-Up. BUILD - Monetiize - Scale!!!

Swell day all.

Musings

8:41 am it is here in a BRT bus. I'm en route the hub first time this week for obvious reasons. So, u guessed right. I'm serving this straight off my android baby. If you've been following my epistle then you already that this medium offers me not the most convenience. Better a regular 15 or more inch device. Well, my options are pretty limited right now given what I have to contend with in this monster. Monster! Yes o, you read right. How else can I refer to these itchy fingers n heart crying for a voice on paper or whatever means there is to express? Jokes apart, sometimes, this urge to write screams at you so much that you go for the nearest pen and pad. In my case, I have to resort to this device :-). Hey, I'm not complaining peops. I love me this monster :-). So, I was up early today. First, played around with an anime intro idea for asa mobile that crossed my mind a day ago I think. Then, I simply wrote (typed). First from my rejuvenated dell studio then the sony that’s been taking its place. The latter brings to mind the need for me to take my writing seriously. In my personal view, I'm not doing enough to write regularly. I'm not talking about this kinda regular blogs where I care less about dotting Is and crossing Ts. Nah! Rather, about that which serves publications as I hope when I send them in. Right now, I have about two pieces that I marvel at whenever I read through but just making out the hours to properly edit has been a long thing. I'm not going to go back to the usual excuses of spending more time on asa. It holds no substance anymore. Anyways, here's just letting me know that I have to do this! There's no doubt in my heart I have it written somewhere how I'll commit time and effort to making good on it. But with little results so far. If the truth must be told, it's that my writing time is at best spare time. Compared to other interests, I've not really given writing its due place in time and efforts. That should change Bayo. Yes it should. If for nothing, the reality facing me where the monster's becoming aggressive seeking expressions at will. There's little choice here for me and so, I'm on the verge of carving out its own time even if once a week. I recall I'd said something like two write-ups a month so this month's still in place.

7:25 PM
Glory to God man. Fresh from a shower after a 2 hours + nap. Had checked out of the hub a few hours after I settled down at the roof top. The heat sorta drained what was left of my food-starved soul. In the end, I only managed a few android tasks with an addition of a few more characters to the task (an idea that crossed my mind this morning).Next I know, I was feeling a lil tired and just needed to take my leave. Was home in about an hour or two under the heat, managed a few paper works on ideas before hitting the sheets. So, here I am now much rested but with a lot still on my hand. Ironically, none of that translates to revenues at least for now. In fact, I'm looking at some 20g leaving my hands again before the end of the month to service the IxWebhost account renewal for Intentio. Then there's another 20g or so to cap Asa up for its release. Had wanted to hold a brief meeting with Tj today at the hub but hommie was pretty busy. I'd sent in a formal request for an extension in respect of the Samsung submission. I'm asking for no more than the end of this month to tidy up what's left in recording, coding, testing, market registration and other miscellaneous things in its regard. Lai, Tj's assistant spoke of a possibility so I'm pretty optimistic. Besides that, I'd like to hear what they have to say in respect of the terms specifically, the issue of exclusivity to the platform which I pray doesn't hold as I'd like the freedom to make good on my plans to seek multiple avenues in platforms for distribution. Anyways, till we meet. On my part, I just need to keep working. Iyke had the last set of graphic assets turned in today so it's all good. My contingency plan had had me meeting with my boi Ikenna Orji 2 days ago so I'm kinda waiting on him too before I decide on which to go with. In the end, it's all for the good of the pj mehn, no sentiments.
Even with all that's on my plate to deliver on, I still find it easier with taking baby steps that speak of fragmenting. So, with the TechAwards application whose deadline is tomorrow, Mrs Elizabeth's given her word to meet up. Spoke with her yesterday and she was soo full of apologies. She's the only one of my ref left and I trust her to deliver as promised. Thanks to Solape and Sola for their support. Also, not forgetting the Good Dr that initiated the whole. All we have to do is wait in faith and expectancy. Funny though cos' I'm already on to other things. Great feeling it always is to wake sometime in the future to the news that something you'd done and put behind you just came out successful. Well, hope it turns out that way, amen. Then there's the Kachifo Creative Writing Worksop event billed for August with Chimamanda as the highlight for me as I'd always wanted to meet with her. There's the learning experience too and a possible opening for asa to reach more ears. It all sorta ties in if you ask me. Anyways, with still about a month or so left to the deadline for applications, mine's already been submitted. Yes o, went from over-editing to nailing the thing jare.
This weekend, I'm due in Abeokuta to drop off Bro Tj's laptop and some stuffs of Tola. Words can't express how grateful I am for the use of bro's Sony Vaio while my Dell was away. Really helped a lot in ensuring nothing stopped. I remember it's served me right from Tech-In Ed to this moment as I type this on it. I'll work off Marina tomorrow to afford me the luxury of a fast internet and plenty of free space for some installations on my Dell. Need to clean out some old files too then have new ones on it. The programs are equally key as the likes of the BlackBerry tools for which I need to port Asa to the BB Playbook also needs be installed. Eclipse'll be re-installed to provide for more extensions than I presently have on the Dell. In the end, all the tools I need to work.
To cap this up, it's Glory to God for the gift of life such that I'm still fit in every sense to 'do' all that my heart desires. Gracias Lord.

Gidi thinz... Good news palava

It’s a fresh morning peops. I’m live at the roof top here on the Mainland. I’m all alone save for another nerd (sorry, member) I just met by the name of Tunde :-) who’s locked up in a corner doing his thing. But then, it’s not quiet! Yeah, it’s mainland Lagos like I mentioned so I can still hear vividly the honking sounds from vehicles down the road. Anyways, this suffices for me in that I don’t have anyone peering over my shoulders thus distracting me from doing my thing. Today’s pretty much light in terms of work as I intend to continue with my character rig and possibly do a comp or two. Before then though, a bit of what’s been playing out on my mind in terms of my trip down here. First, Lagos never fails to amaze people like me in terms of its many dramas. It’s so much that there just doesn’t seem to be an end in sight to its drama come rain or shine. Interesting in a sense if you ask me given it can serve an open ended flow of contents for daily write-ups if one were to venture for a dedicated column in say a newspaper. I kinda want a piece of the foregoing action but time will tell.

So, you’ve heard it said many times before, “how are the mighty fallen”. Well, what’s hardly ever said (in my view) is “How are the weak oppressed”; ironic maybe. But then, my trip here bore hallmarks of the latter. Sandwiched between two heavy mamas in the popular Keke NAPEP tricycle, I felt oppressed. More so, cos’ the ladies to my left and right seemed to care less about my existence let alone my comfort. Yet, I was paying the same fare as both of them. Guess what, the driver (or rider) also shared his seat with another ‘mama’ all for the sake of the naira. Still on the issue, for a vehicle that’s far from able to withstand too much weight, we were at risk in a sense. Well, the weather was great so we were spared the risk of a real test to say the least. Well, that was one part of the drama that ended in Oyingbo. Next up was the danfo bus to Sabo. First, the lady next to me was reluctant to budge in her seat as she was in communion with God as it turned out when I saw her fiddling with her Rosary (Bless You Lord :-)). She didn’t have to say anything as her attitude already did the talking. “wait make I finish”, it said. As is often the case in such dramas, I retorted mentally, “for your papa car abi?” Well, that was in the abstract so in the physical, I simply asked again gently. The smart she knew enough to budge then knowing full well the naira savvy driver or conductor wouldn’t be anything close to nice if they had to intervene. She was obviously standing in line of the next meal ticket which is punishable by jungle laws as we have in Lagos with insults and rude remarks. Well, minutes later, the bus moved from its spot and the short trip to Sabo began. Hardly had we negotiated the closest bend when a female passenger yelled the popular cliché, “Praise the Lord!” While I don’t remember hearing any response, she called for a short prayer before beginning her sermon. And then the drama...minutes into the Good News that we’re all too familiar with, the driver turned on his stereo with an Islamic Gospel song. Gengen! He turned up the volume so much that it all but drowned off the female evangelist’s voice. Raising hers, the competition heated up with the former vociferously hammering on the need to accept the Good News for a life of eternal bliss somewhere up above. The passenger seated close to the driver called for restraint asking the driver if he meant to start a competition. To that he responded that he was only doing his own thing and not necessarily out to witch-hunt the Christian evangelist. Now, the interesting thing for me was how this would have been perceived if it were an exchange that occurred up North. In fact, relay this event to the average Nigerian down South here and the response would be something close to a blind allusion of the drama to radical Northerners. But right here before our very eyes, elements of religious extremism seemed to be rearing their heads. Okay, so it may seem like I’m making allusions myself but I’ve spent time quite some time here to know what I’m talking about in terms of the people’s mindset.

In the end, whose side was I on? On one hand, I’m usually not won over by the messengers of these cliched mesages partly cos’ I know the long and short of it. Two, I’m not particularly interested in what lies outside of here. Rather, I seek my own heaven in living a fulfilling life here on earth. And guess what, if there so happens to be that life of eternal bliss beyond here then I should qualify given I try as much as possible to live right in moral principles. Anyways, I happened to prefer the Islamic track that was playing as it was one I’d long been seeking. It’s been a hit sort of for some time now (you know it’s one when you hear it across bus garages from Lagos to Ibaban) and I’d long looked for a way of getting the artist/album title. Great voicing with a kinda auto-tune effect made it one I loved. True, I care less about its contents hardly even making out what she sings about even though it’s in Yoruba. The driver was all too glad to hand me the CD jacket when I asked for it. In his mind, he’d won over a disciple I guess. If he only he knew where I stood in respect of such matters. To cap this up, she’s (artist) “Ameerat Ameenat Ajao” by name and the album’s entitled “Obi rere” which translates to Good parents. I’ll get it soon.

Musings: Fear Factor

It's 3:44AM (May 16) here but funny I just looked down at the status bar and it reads 6 hours early (9:44PM, yesterday May 15). Yes, you guessed right, my baby is finally in my hands. I can't exactly tell how long this DELL's been gone (had to go through some repairs at the DELL lab in the States) without checking my journal but it sure looks within the range of 2 months, the 3 weeks delay in clearing at the airport inclusive. Anyways, here's my first blog from this baby in what now seems ages. Thank God for the hommie Bode, truly appreciate his efforts more than words here can say.

So, I was going through a piece on tinybuddha.com (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/start-the-climb-take-one-purposeful-step/) when I felt the urge to put this down. As with most of the write-ups I've come across on the site, I could relate to this too. I know this is not the last time I'll go through this particular piece given how much relation I feel towards it but then, my mind just sorta went into reflection mode after I went through it. Fear's one common thing that the writer tried to communicate and how best to deal with it. In my opinion, it was in summary, "baby steps" as it relates to tackling our fears and following after our hearts. It's interesting really how in some ways I don't think that I have much of a fear factor holding me back. True when it comes to my life generally specifically in the area of my career path. But when I go from the general to compartmentalizing my life then I can see some truths clearly. Even my career path of entrepreneurship where I attribute my greatest feat to in overcoming fear is itself without its own trace of fear today. While it's true that I've since gone past the stage of having to overcome fears or doubts to make real my dreams (still a work in progress), there's still no discounting those fears that still rear their heads even along the journey. As brave as some watchers feel I am to be doing what I do, I best know about what I have to deal with in my own fears. Without mincing words, I don't remember ever being the most 'secure' person. Rather, my insecurities have been all over me for as long as I can ever remember dating back to childhood. True, age and experience have had their own upsides to dealing with those insecurities, I've realized that it's only to the point of scaling down the degree of their sensitivity or gravity. To put it in context, I'm still that shy guy I've always been. And, it's not obvious today to many (except I point it out in which case some still doubt me) having come a long way from the guy that looked down at the ground (looking for God-knows-what!!!) or even at the skies (trying to spot UFOs maybe!!!), anywhere besides looking into the face of people. It's so much that I've stood before audiences of different sizes and stats to make presentations even against my short-comings in verbal communication (wrong mix of words, poor diction, fast talk...in anxiety). Concerning the latter, I've done best in the times I've practiced (lengthy) way ahead of the D-day. In the end, what I'm trying to bring out is the fact that in the journey towards fulfilling my goals, I've dared my own insecurities and gone ahead to do what needed to be done. I'm still that way till date for the simple reason that 'doing' is what helps with building one's self-confidence. It just is in the doing and nothing more. There are a couple of recent pointers that come to mind even as I type this and I'll run through a few as follows. 

There's the "New African Writing" reading session where I recall the presenter (Yona) had mentioned before the reading began if any writer would like to be excused from reading his/her piece before the audience. In another world, my hand woulda gone up first. But then this is a different world for me and so, I rather went up first, sat before the audience of established writers, readers, writers etc and did my thing as best as I could. I didn't die from anxiety neither did I from the harsh critics (in some cases) or even from the highness of the positive feedbacks. There's the pitch before the audience at the Tech-In ed where I even ended up with $2000 which serves Asa's goals even as I speak. There's the pitch before the Tolu Elumelu Foundation (TEF) where though obviously anxious, I still went on till the end. There are dozens more from the IVD where everyday was a pitch. And I can go on and on with the uncountable experiences from running Intentio playing multiple roles as with most founders of start-ups. In all of this, I've left feeling much more confident and better about myself. Going further, the feeling from the preceding is that which I've carried on to others and so, it's been a step-wise accumulative kinda growth process for me. All because I put myself out there regardless of my inner battles.

But away from my perception of my own courage in the area of fear, it's rather ironic that some of my closest peops don't share same. To better put this, it'd have to be in context, more reason I mentioned the compartmentalization earlier. See, it's that on the social front, my bois don't see a courageous guy in me. Not like they see a weakling or some sort. Rather, they see a guy that's a bit too fearful above normal to take do some things deemed normal even in the societal way. It just makes me laugh really when I hear words like, "you too dey fear" cos in my mind's eye, I'm a 'Hercules' given how much I'll break any barrier of insecurity to get what I want. So maybe, it becomes clear if I mention that my fear as they deem it have to do with vices (not the right word but used for lack of a better word) that normal guys engage in. And while this is not a blog that seeks to paint me as a saint, I know that I've lived every stage of my life engaging in most of the things that come with each stage (childhood, teenager, young adulthood). It's rather a case of maturity in my view. You know, that point in your life where some things just don't appeal to you for inexplicable reasons to anyone besides yourself. That point where 'normal' is not as defined by anyone even society but by my your guts - the inner you. That point where emptiness best describes the feeling that others see as nirvana in some acts. A part of me has long accepted me as being abnormal but it's a form of abnormality that I've sorta gracefully embraced given the inner peace it grants me. That's normal if you ask me. a positive diemnsion to these perceived insecurity is itself not missing as in my case. my latter reflections about my fears have had me counting its blessings in how it's helped shape a better me in balance. thus, our fears mat themselves balance us out between making the right or wrong choices. my own experience is such that i have often expressed gratitude for some things i neva manned up to do. for those things though driven by youthful exuberance or societla pressure or peer pressure have become habits for some that they fight till daye. it reps a blip that they struggle with ashamed to reveal in d open. for me, its been a case of not getting away with d consequence. first timers may not be as lucky as regular timers wen it comes to metting out consequences in life. its just not explicable. and becos i have rather lived with d mindset that i may never be able escaape d harsh realities of d consequences if dey wrong, i have at best stayed within d boundary of fear.

Then there's the superstitious fear that is common in our society. It's that kind of fear that has people living secretively afraid to blow their trumpets (even if humbly), make themselves into brands and even serve as inspirations for others. As much as we hate to admit it, many still cower in fear to the point that they can't share ideas, plans, goals etc. The mindset for them is one that speaks of 'things will go wrong if I speak about my plans etc'. And while I clearly understand the foregoing as I myself am not entirely guiltless of it, it still doesn't make it any less than what it is: fear. Fear of some invincible dark forces in bad-belle people working against the fulfillment of our goals. It's funny but that's an obvious truth in our society. Again, I feign no ignorance as to the need for anyone to keep their ideas or plans close to themselves. I'm just saying that to a large extent, the unspoken or less admitted truth is that many are paranoid. I'm not left out too. And believe me, I've heard the argument about how talking too much about your idea or plan sort of drains the energy off it (or you) and has you living up to it. In the end, what I believe as I reflect on it in writing is that it's all up to us. In practical terms, all this noise about Asa have only added fuel to how much I believe in it and want it to succeed. Its pictures that dot my third-screens, journals help cement the whole in my sub-conscious so much that I eat, sleep, dream and live it. I'm not scared of nothing! If any, for any invincible force out to act against it, they'd have to contend with an even greater force in me. But isn't that only true for one given to the fear? For me, I believe in what Brian Tracy (I think) calls an "Inverse Paranoia" - the feeling that the world is in giant conspiracy to work in my favour, for my good. It's thus the reason why for me, this public blog and a whole lot of what I'm about all act to work for my good. That's such a positive mindset I can feel the effect as I type this. There's more I want to write but my back aches so it's bye for now.

Babies, Brandz àtìbébéló

Yep, I'm here! In the place I'd choose over any other place today. "Where's this nirvana-like place"? I can hear the curious murmuring to themselves. It's at the heart of the Mainland overlooking the road that runs right through to my almer-mater. It's the CCHub. Yeah, the place where innovation takes place. And even though my time here is limited - lasting until my venture's mature enough to hit the streetz - this place will remain close to nirvana. Reminds me of the British Council hub back in the Capital city. Somehow, it may seem like I was made for these places :-). And there's the IVD which bears same features to these places. Anyways, 'fore I jump right into today's work, I deem it fit to relieve my content-laden mind of its load. A bit of digression given the drama that played out in the BRT bus I boarded while on my way down. I had a bit of an altercation with the driver which reminded me of yesterday's drama with the okada rider on the Island. So, I'm thinking to myself, "what's with the dramas Bayo?" Yeah, what's it about this Lasgidi life that has one on the edge ready to blow off steam at the slightest *** (can't think of the perfect word to use)? Sure, life in the city is without its temptations, it's no excuse for anyone to loose it. And in a rather ironic manner, there's the occasional scenes of guys exchanging blows across the city that plays out like everyday. And while I'm often amazed as to how adults would stoop so low to settle scores over issues that are almost always trivial (as trivial as 20 naira though relativity's the name of the game), my verbal altercations seem no different. Why? Because the next exchange of blows is only an utterance away. And whoever thinks He can go no longer than exchanging verbose, you may want to rethink that. There's a reason why that Ramsy-Noah looking dude in white TM shirt was serenading the crowd of watchers (only in Lasgidi) with Mohammed-Ali styled steps while exchanging blows with a fellow driver. True man, we are humans with varying degree of sensitivities. One repetitive careless utterance is all it takes to strike the ego of any man.
Enough of the digression. That was my own way of saying to me: Be Careful o!!!
So, I was talking about the hub...I'll have a pic up from the roof-top soon as my phone's fully charged. Work's on ground for the day mehn and yeah, you guessed right, it's everything to do with àsà. And before you whine about my talk-talk about this brand, know that a parent cannot get enough of talking about his baby. Yeah man, for anyone with love for ideas and the creation process, it's like a baby. You ideate, build and nurture. Sad news though is the reality that this baby can die too. Yep. It can die at different phases. For some folks still in the grips of fear, the baby may never even come to life: it simply dies at its abstract stage. For winners who take it all the way from the abstract to reality, death can still come in the lab where over-ideation or over-tweaking in a bid to get out a perfect product translates to never coming up with a product. The latter brings to mind the concept of a Minimum Viable Product (MVP) as I've come to know. Still on the mortality of baby ventures, death can also come in form of the ultimate verdict as delivered by the market. Yes! The "people". The "users" whose attention, loyalty and trust we crave to self-sustain as parents enough to keep growing this baby. Yes o, ultimately, the baby called a brand requires people in loyal customers to live. Where I'm from, they say, "it takes a community to raise a child". Same goes for this baby. The initiator can only do so much especially at the initial stage. You champion from the labs as I'm presently doing here leveraging on the invaluable support of the IVD and the CChub cos it takes great environments to raise a good baby. The time is close though when this baby will hit the street to be validated by the people. I'm unfazed anyways. If I had a soft heart, I wouldn't be in this game. While that's not to say I'm a superman, successive failures mixed with some degree of success have only helped to harden my resolve. Then there's the Army of Happiness (http://tinybuddha.com/blog/build-yourself-an-army-for-happiness/) in writing, reading, B-town, family.. which help to a great extent. In all, it's an exciting experience. Glory to God.